Life in Balance.

Many of you have been asking where I am these days...But I do have a question.: "Is there any way to have meaning in your life when you’re disconnected from everyone? I don’t think so…

Anyway, I hate when people discourage me about my choices, I hate most when I do the same thing with the one I love regarding the future by giving too much attention to what the others are saying.
I hate my vulnerability, I hate when I cannot keep thoughts just to myself and deal with them alone, I hate when I start to worry wondering that I am not good enough for anything or anybody…
I hate when I cannot find a place to fit in, I hate when I don’t know what is worse – my silence or my empty words…
I hate to distrust my feelings, I hate to put him in doubt!
I am really tired – tired of trying, tired of not doing anything. I feel like everyone around me can screw up and that’s OK, but if I screw up.

I have taken a break from web for while. I am still around of course, watching others on cam and chatting and working a lot. Days are passing by, faster than before and after all those weeks living together I know exactly what I want, but more than ever everyone is telling me that it’s just a fairy tale…

Miles away, tears, time difference, days, more tears…Shit, it’s not fair!!!

I had nightmares which is rare for someone like me that barely sleeps… I dreamt I was looking at the world from the other side of the window and all that I saw was people coming and going, the clouds moving across the sky too fast, ocean waves breaking on the beach, the birds flying in circles up high… I was alone.
I wish I could be a bird, I wish I could fly away, I wish the sky was the limit.

I wish I had someone I could be really close to, without fear of getting hurt day after day And that’s the reason why I have been considering strongly the possibility of committing “social suicide”. I am weird, with plenty of troubles, my days showing me that I’ve been doing the wrong thing...often I enjoy the fact that I can easily avoid or ignore people just because I don’t want to give them the answers which I don’t have…

Please, Dear Friends, don’t blame me, it will be better for everybody as I suppose no one loves to hear others complaints and at the moment I have nothing else to offer but this…

However in some ways I feel sorry for not making the best of my life but yet I accept me as I am."

Anyway, I've been so many places in my life and time I will post some photos here.

In the meantime, there have been so many new cuties on cam that I thought I would point out one of my favs.: Frederick Schimitz´s.